Big, Blonde and Beautiful

But I don't want to be anymore. 

Well I mean,  just the 'big' part.  I don't want to be that anymore.  So I am going to do something about it.  Or better,  I have started to do something about it. 

On January 27th, I joined Weight Watchers.  I would like to tell you it is my first time in the program but it's not.  My first was back in 2000 or so.  I was a 17 year old and I took my Aunt Lisa's books and followed the point system religiously.  I lost a ton of weight.  I was my skinniest I had/have ever been when I started college at Stephen F. Austin State University in Fall of 2001.  I know what you are thinking.  "You gained the freshman 15 didn't you?!?!".  Nope.  I actually lost 15 more lbs. my freshman year.  Then I really was the skinniest I had ever been.  It was after I moved off campus that the weight started creeping back up.  Then in January of 2004, six months before my best friend was to get married, I joined again.  This time I went to the meetings.  For a few months.  I lost around 20lbs. but as I indulged in Kelly's wedding cake I kissed WW goodbye.  And the 20lbs + said "hello".

In the six years since my last Weight Watchers experience I have graduated college,  worked as an insurance rep (5 years I will never get back), married my college sweetheart (I am his high school sweetheart!), bought a house and had a major career change.  I am ready to be a mom and there is a major hurdle I need to overcome before that will be a reality.

I can't get pregnant because I am fat. 

It's sad but true.  The saddest part is that even though I know God has called me to be a mom, I am struggling, I mean STRUGGLING, to lose weight.  It was May 2010 that my doctor told me that I was not ovulating due to my excessive weight.  Eight months ago.  I sat and chewed on the doctor's statement, and an endless line of cookies, for EIGHT MONTHS and did nothing!  I've done what is easy for the last eight months.  I am ready to do what is hard. I hope this blog serves as a way for me to stay accountable to my goal.  Nothing will be left off the table.  NOTHING.  I am going to let it all hang out there.  Pictures, scale numbers and the dirty little secrets no fat person wants the world to know.  It's all going to be here.

I'm not gonna lie.

I am one hungry blonde.